Twilight VS. The Lost Boys

In the past, I have avoided watching the movie Twilight because of word of mouth complaints with the story, but I have decided to catch a viewing during a recent lazy Sunday afternoon with nothing else interesting on television. I selected the movie on Showtime on Demand and finally was able to see for myself and decide if it was a good movie. After watching the movie, I cannot believe it won so many awards and made so much money. I had to force myself to watch it to the end in order to make a proper judgment. I wish I didn’t.

Am I really out of the loop with modern pop culture? Is this what people want to see? Am I that old? No, it can’t be. How can a movie like Twilight make more money than Interview with the Vampire, Blade, and The Lost Boys, and why can’t I figure out how? Compare for example, the movies Twilight and The Lost Boys; they both were popular teen vampire movies of their time, yet Twilight is more successful. Here are a few comparisons I made between the two and my argument on why The Lost Boys is better than Twilight.

1. Recreation

Motorcycles VS. Baseball

There are probably countless ways an immortal can pass the time. Forever is mighty long and that is plenty of time to gain and lose interests in all sorts of things. In Twilight, the vampires play ultra-baseball and make plays while posing in the air with lightning bolts around them. I don’t know about vampires, but I stopped attempting to look cool in front of my family a long time ago. In The Lost Boys, the vampires race on their motorcycles and sucker humans to ride off cliffs. I have to give this one to The Lost Boys because motorcycles make anything much cooler.

2. Feeding

People VS. Animals

It’s been long established that vampires usually drink human blood and like to bite people on their neck or near their grapefruits. So why does Twilight feel the need to mess with the formula? In the movie, Edward states that he’s a vegetarian and that he only eats animals instead of people. While I can appreciate that form of vegetarianism, it doesn’t mesh with vampires. It’s like Cookie Monster giving up cookies; these things should not happen. In The Lost Boys, the vampires go all out and eat people every night. They are as violent as vampires should be; tearing up cars to get to their prey, or even biting bald heads so hard that blood gushes out in a manner similar to opening a shaken can of beer. That’s what people want to see, or at least it was.

3. Location

Forks VS. Santa Carla

Any fan of vampires knows that they can dwell anywhere as long as they have a place to rest safely. The vampire movies takes place in Santa Carla, California, the murder capital of the world, and Forks, Washington, the logging capital of the world. Even though Santa Carla gained an unflattering reputation, the word of mouth haven’t been spreading the news and tourists flock to the town, ripe for the vampire pickings. Forks, Washington has a population of just over 3,500 which means that most residents would notice if people started disappearing. The blood suckers also have to worry about killing off all the animals in the forest just to survive. Who wants to see a vampire movie where they probably deer farm? How far this genre has fallen.

4. Super Powers

Flying VS. Jumps

Every vampire movie gives powers to the “cold ones” that help drive the popularity among fans of the genre. Many movies have certain powers in common, such as super speed and strength, but they also have their own powers specifically for their own films. In Twilight, the vampires can climb trees and jump far. Basically, they have squirrel powers. In the Lost Boys, the vampires can fly. Yes, they can pull a Peter Pan, which makes their hunting very effective. Flying beats jumping any day of the week. No brainer here.

5. Daylight Hours

Sleeping VS. Glitter

Since The Lost Boys are regular vampires, they have to sleep during the day. These vampires burn to death if sunlight touches them. Naturally, this weakness would automatically give the vote to Twilight…but not so fast. In the scene where Edward lets the sun touch him in the forest, I figured it wouldn’t affect him, similar to Blade. However, something happened that made me lose all faith in Hollywood. The damn vampire started to glitter. GLITTER! The only reason a man should glitter is if he’s in an all-male discotheque. That revelation made me cry myself to sleep that night and repeatedly punch my pillow, especially with the thought of the Twilight series as the most successful vampire movies of all time pounding my brain.

In addition, why is a vampire who’s over 100 years old attending high school? If he’s not robbing the cradle with every female student in school, why is he wasting his time? Why go through the charade when things like Homeschooling exist?

Conclusion

As you can see, it’s a shutout. The Lost Boys beats Twilight in every way imaginable. Maybe I’m just getting old, or Hollywood is putting out horrible trash…or both. Yeah, The Lost Boys sequels were crap, but they probably would’ve been much better if they were made back to back, just as Twilight is doing. Am I wrong? Any readers please leave comments and let me know why you agree or disagree. Help bring me out of the dark!

Tags: Cookie Monster, Hollywood, Lost Boys, Peter Pan, Showtime, Twilight, Vampire, Vampire film